Living with Ourselves

[Sophia1]

Hello @Adge 

I have noticed your absence today on this thread and writing thread

i am hoping that you are busy living life and enjoying the day.  
Hopefully having a break from the drafted Census. 
I hope that you get some time to read about Horace and his day. 
Ten we will have you back. @Shaz51 is Cook at the ancient castle. You should see the spread that she has put on. Could not remember if you are vegetarian or pescatarian. Will hopefully catch you there soon. Tag me

If not feeling that good tag me  I will make time. I will be back here to talk to @Jacques and @ apple blossom possibly in the afternoon.  Take care of ADGE and Horace please. Sophia ☀️😎🌼

[Adge]

Sorry @Sophia1 I cannot think clearly, or type anything today - It's now 8.40pm, Way Past my Bedtime.

This evening Census Work routine is knocking my Body about pretty badly.

Got home 6.15pm tonight, plus several other evenings.

I know that does not sound late - but my Bedtime is 8.00pm.

No energy left to Eat Dinner, Check Forum or do anything else.

Thanks for your thoughts.

I'm not sure how to improve the situation.

I'm almost Out of Work - I've got through 300 house Visits (or something like that).

They don't seem to have any more Work to give me (I asked).

So maybe that will Solve the Problem.

No Work left to do - So Have a Rest (maybe)....

Adge

[Adge]

This evening Census Work routine is knocking my Body about pretty badly.

Got home 6.15pm tonight, plus several other evenings.

I know that does not sound late - but my Bedtime is 8.00pm.

No energy left to Eat Dinner, Check Forum or do anything else.

Thanks for your thoughts.

I'm not sure how to improve the situation.

I'm almost Out of Work - I've got through 300 house Visits (or something like that).

They don't seem to have any more Work to give me (I asked).

So maybe that will Solve the Problem.

No Work left to do - So Have a Rest (maybe)....

Adge

[Sophia1]

@Adge 

Some much needed time out for you my friend..

self care...

you have walked many miles....literally and within your thinking...

please take care

your friend from the virtual world 💛 

look for the sunshine in your heart...it has always been there...nobody can take that away from you..

[Sophia1]

@Appleblossom 

lovely that you have a friend who can listen without judgement...

perhaps he has been sent to you or he has found you wanting a friend...

💛

[Sophia1]

Hello @Jacques 

You are quite right..

I have been stretching myself further afield and more often of late...

It is very hard to separate the wanting to continue conversations that feel almost real...

separate them from those where I feel for the person and want to offer support.

Sometimes these all become one ....this has been the case with several of my friends on here.

I cannot bear to think that they feel alone with their issues..that I have not supported them...that they might feel not enough as a result of my not replying..

I did not remember that you had been a community guide before...I remember corresponding with you a few times on your quotes thread..I think also during a difficult time where you were struggling to help another..

My walking in the park I believe has been affected by several things..

Dogs off of leashes jumping up at me...I was bitten by a relative's rescue dog whilst overseas in 2017..The dog grabbed my wrist and clamped on tight.. My cousin's husband had to loosen his jaws...

Also covid itself seems to have provoked...triggered my past dissociation and self isolating...

Covering many years at different stages..

I am going to have a mental health plan drawn up and hope to find a therapist who focusses on trauma...chronic trauma as in build up ...

You are very wise as well as caring and compassionate my friend..

My sister has always had the personality of discluding me..competing ...my unwell mind and dissociation clouded so much...I used to feel that she despised me growing up...very hard from a twin aspect...I always responded treading on eggshells pumping up her ego...

I do look at all perspectives of behaviour of others and am not quick to judge...quite the opposite...do not take action for self care quickly enough..

I appreciate that you might be seeing some of your own experiences within the way that I have described my sister..

It is through the help of others..allowing me to stand away from being a twin...related...look at the personality and long term treatment that has enabled me to accept how controlling and also (as described by several counsellors, my own psychotherapist, my husband) has a narcissistic personality...manipulative..

Hard to hear ...even write about now...

she has caused so much pain for me in my life...

How long have you and your girlfriend been together Jacques if you feel safe enough to answer..?

What are some of her interests?

Sophia your vitual friend

💛

[Appleblossom]

@Sophia1 We are negotiating the basis of our friendship. There has been a lot of reciprocity and necessity and decent discipline and discipleship. He is going away, but I somehow managed to loan the right book for him on the subject of pastoral care, that suits his new position, which is important work.  He was also well experienced to listen and give me support through current son stuff.

@Jacques 

So good to hear you talking to Sophia.  Wonderful to hear about your garden plans and glad your mother could laugh at her misfortune.  I have known young and fit people who have fallen off treadmill.  You have done so well, cultivating your positives and finding dignity in yourself.

forum mum Apple

[Adge]

Thanks @Sophia1 Sunshine for you too...

Adge

[Jacques]

hi my virtual mum @Appleblossom 

yes, well you either laugh or cry, luckily it was not more serious, we are just happy it was only a bit of broken skin, yes, the garden is going great, i got some dragons tongue thati thought i had lost and to my supprise yesterday not only has it grown back it has flowers on it!!!!!

Hi my beautiful friend @Sophia1 yes it can be a real responsibility i learnt that you need to take time out for you once in a while to recharge the batteries, it can be a heavy strain mentally when you are talking to so many people on the forums. 

yes, when SANE firsty  started myself, @Appleblossom and a few others became community guides. i did it for about 6 months but it was too much for me as i was like you i wanted to respond to everyone. it was a special priviledge and one i will cherrish forever, i still love talking to lots of people here and i will be with SANE forever, they have done so much for me and im sure they don't realise the impact there decisions and support has had in my life. 

@Sophia1 our mental illness will always make us think we are not enough, it is part of the illness and no matter what we say and do it is just part of this horrible disease. encouragement and someone to chat to helps out more than you realise. you are a beautiful person and have such a big heart, i can see that in your writing, and im sure others can too. 

hugs my friend, 

Jacques

[Sophia1]

Hello @Jacques 

A lovely response from you..

Very kind, caring words mean so much..

I have found out in life that when you are a giver, a listener with compassion...the depth that takes is not understood by those who do not possess those traits..

Over nurturing brings on insufficient compassion to support self..

I am very grateful to you for reminding me of that...

I am so quick to remind others yet forget to include myself on the list at times...

I have become better at setting personal boundaries.....time out for me time..

It is also lovely to hear that you have found so much support and grown within yourself through participating within the forums...

The role of community guide would have helped immensely in this area also...

you are like me in that way....giving allows you to feel yourself...find parts of yourself that you are unaware of  or forgotten existed...

I know that your friendship with your forum mum @Appleblossom would have also given you support and strength to become who you are today.

I have chosen on two occasions not to take on the role of community guide knowing that my cup was already flowing over within my real world..

I also need to be outside with nature as my environment has a huge effect on the health of my mind..

Therefore I would not be able to commit the time..

Those who take this role on offer much to members as they offer support and provide reassuring replies..

I do not know what a dragons tongue is so will look that one up..

We went to the nursery yesterday and bought more plants to complete the embankment and retaining areas..

This will bring me great joy and replenish energy drained from venturing out and hopping around people not wearing masks or social distancing..

So hope to be adding topsoil and stones whether it is raining or not..

'

The child in me still loves playing in the mud and puddles ...😁

Lovely to hear from you again dear friend

Sophia

💛

[Sophia1]

Hello @Adge 

Hoping that you can have some garden time in between regaining your energy from all of your hard work..

Reply to the virtual writing page when up to it...no pressure

Sophia💛