@StanD
about the trigger word ...
I think it is terrible you feel pressured to agree when in that very vulnerable suicidal space.
I think that could be the thing that pushed me over the edge if they tried it on me when I am close to doing it I am a bit different cause I am upset about how the MH services managed my brother and sister. I am upset how they pretend to manage things in the community but that means dumping the responsibility on young mothers with a heavy childbearing load. ie My sister in law with a 6 week old and me with 3 under 9. So I could go right off me rocker if they expected me to say "I am safe".
Triggers are all different. There is no way we can ban a word and be safe.
I was triggered and upset when Sane called this a safe place, in order to attract people to share...
It is a human community full of risks and challenges but they are they are trying to keep it a productive therapeutic place and yes, manage the risks. So I stayed. I took quite a few knocks here that I managed on my own. Not good at dobbing people in, trained by orphanage culture that it is not a good thing. I have learned to push back gently if it happens these days. Not swallowing BS anymore.
I am glad you are finding some solace here.
No need to put it life "clinging to the words of strangers" or anything to dismiss yourself.
I dont present a lot with my suicidal side cos my suicidal side came AFTER me dealing with MH service failure with my siblings and parents. Hmmmm. Mostly I keep my massive struggles with suicidality to myself, but beginning to let it off in small snippets in relationship. I had the job of trying to protect 3 young kids from the horror of suicide.
I failed to protect them, as probably anyone would in my position but I cannot get proper counselling or psychological support about it. I have really tried. They are all too freaked out and want their cosy well dressed job with all the pay, virtue signalling and limited legal liability.
It is a generalisation, but I am still looking and struck a doozy with my current one. My plan manager asking me if she really should be charging me above the NDIS rate? I approved it cos I am such a damn people pleaser, but then reflected how hurt she keeps making me feel. Having my last session with her Monday. She has needs, she tells me, to afford holidays and motor bikes. and tries to bring me down to her level. Pretends she is trauma informed and empathic but has poor listening skills, and keeps dropping massive insults in a session, cos she is not wanting to reflect on everything she says and used to saying whatever she bloomin feels like. I do better with the ad hoc nature of general communities seeking to improve themselves without being paid. I have found someone else, different style, sex, attitude to tek, cos I know I need the outlet and support or I would be "unwell". So starting again.... weary sigh ...
