I want tell you my experience to give you encouragement and hope. Your children need YOU as much as you need them.My first hospitalisation was when my youngest child was one year old. On a day to day basis I really struggled. My mum lived with us, but that was not a positive thing, as she had bad anxiety, and wouldn't be left alone. So that meant me staying home to care for her when I should have been with my family. Constant guilt for years. Feeling like I had neglected the kids(4) and guilt about all my admissions to hospital.
Anyway about a year ago I told my psychiatrist about this guilt and he said have you talked to them about it. You will find they see it differently. Well I spoke to my three boys. (Well grown men now) they were all very understanding of how tough it had been for me. They didn't feel that they had missed out on me. They knew I had done the best I could. My oldest son just commented on the fact that their dad just kept going as though nothing was wrong and they didn't know about how long or when I would be home. That affected him more than anything else. My daughter who is the eldest, I've only just broached the subject with her and I did this in a letter. We talked about a week ago. She said that what I had said in the letter she had written the same but in reverse (if that makes sense) she also said she understood what I went through and again she felt her dad hadn't supported me enough, if he had maybe things would have been better.
You know what? My children had it tough. But they have grow up to be compassionate caring adults.
Don't ever think your girls don't need you. Because they do. They need your love and reassurance. Your girls will get through this time in there lives and as they grow older, they will become more aware of just how hard you have worked to make a better life for them, and just how much you love them.
As for your mother that was a terrible thing to say to you.the only response to that is that you are doing the very best you can. You love your girls very much,and you apriciate her help.
So just keep doing the best you can each day, keep telling them you love them.Its the little things that you do now that they will always remember. Sing a song with them, read a book,bake a cake(packet mix only take a couple of minutes ) give them a hug. Don't know if you feel up to those things, just something to keep in mind for the future.
Big hugs for you too.chris
