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[MDT]

I see @Appleblossom

I am truly sorry to hear about this tragedy in your life experience. I see how Camus' philosophy (or at least it's implications) affect you. I'm sorry if it brought up trauma my friend. This is never my intent.

I read somewhere once, and repeated this to my partner recently who commented her grandfathers passing (she was raised by him in the absence of her parents caring for older sister whom departed this life quite young), that those we love never truly leave us. There are ways in which they come back to us. Somehow.

My best as always

[MDT]

I recommend you all watch the film Cloud Atlas.

[Appleblossom]

@StanD 2 more things we have in common: I was 26 when things started with my exhusband, and he also had the schizophrenia diagnosis. I felt similarly to you going into the situation. Wondering if we develop extra compassion thorugh hardships in childhood but then get into waters that are too complicated.  I am nearly a generation older than you 18 years... so maybe that helps give perspective.

@MDT A lot of people really liked his The Outsider. Camus was popular with thoughtful people for a long time.  Its alright, I know you did not mean to trigger me.  I was more triggered dealing with Redress counsllor today, but am managing it all with elbow room.  Today was a pyjama day.  I just wanted to be more honest with you about my links with that book.  I blieve we have sufficient goodwill, longevity and understanding to navigate it.  I would never want you to be less thoughtful than you are.  You are not that unusual.  Sad thing for the male culture is that the thoughtful ones do not always find each other in real life to connect up with and take heart from.

Am almost through roast lamb meal.  My son liked it and added a dash of BBQ sauce to the gravy.  Yum.

FVor me I can be triggered by everything .... so there are few truly "safe" topics that are real ... I just have to surf them... using lots of swimming metaphors ... it has usually helped me ....

Hope I did not share too much @StanD @MDT 

There was a lot of ignorance around me when I was growing up, so I did value learning and education, but it is not everything....

[StanD]

You must have known I fell into a sad moment now @Appleblossom & wanted to talk. Rejection - I'm insecure in this new adult relationship with previously mentioned male. Anyway, he has informed me he has plans tonight. More than one issue going on, for me. I'm not exactly 'clingy' - I can be the complete opposite (not so good) ... Separation anxietys, fear of abandonment.

I re-read your previous post  thanks.

Whether or not we end up happily ever after - this is the most important relationship of my life. I have respect for this man, awe, miracle. 

I watch myself reacting negatively to situations. Based on relationship with ex. The way I was. Or trained to be & believe.

I have to try hard to catch myself. He is not him. I'm not there yet. It's embarassing. It's all I've known. I'm overcome with gratitude, a friend ... sees what I can become & not my scars of which I am ashamed. 

I'm also a tiny bit pissed off. Like, who the heck are you to say that 'me now' - is not adequate? I am Amazing.

Having trust in oneself. Honestly, he makes it so easy for me, I couldn't possibly be this lucky. Could I?

I AM.

[StanD]

https://youtu.be/pkcJEvMcnEg

[StanD]

Yes, finding affordable healthy food can be difficult @Appleblossom @Former-Member I have needed to become creative too with what I have available. If nothing else, a big bowl of veges is good. I use a steamer. Excellent nutrition. 

[Former-Member]

Hello @StanD I am happy for your new romance. Just proceed with caution.  Keep some level of reserve as you have been hurt in the past ❤️

[StanD]

Beautiful @Former-Member I needed the support & advice of a 'Mum'. Makes me feel stronger. 

Hope you are having lovely day. Sun is beautiful in Melbourne today.

I am happy too.❤️ 

[StanD]

Feeling weak, bullied, targeted, unable to do what world is asking of me. 

Phone appt. with lawyer this morning. I searched for paper unsuccessfully. 

I'm informed that county Court proceedings are going to happen against me. 

According to my lawyer, 'legally' I cannot win. My name is not on title of house.

It is shocking & unbelievable to me that I am under threat now, of sherrif forcibly removing me & my animals from home I have lived in for 12 years. As a career, as a defacto, as a victim & now victorious survivor.

If I find this paper - I know I saw it years ago, I just don't know where he has hidden it - it legally proves I have rights.

It's too much for my brain to process. I feel very sad. I don't want to think about it.

I'm having a break today.

I don't want to be sad.

I don't want to be evicted.

I don't want to be seen in eyes of law as being nothing.

@hanami it's ok, you don't have to say anything. I wanted you to know & I am ok.

[MDT]

I do have so